beginning

So the only way to begin is to actually begin. I'd like to keep a blog again. An actual writing blog. So, here it is. To give background is time consuming. If you're here it's because you know me and if you know me you don't need the background. If you don't, my first question is, what are you doing here? (oh, and welcome!) and... well... what do you want to know? Ask away in the comments section.

Here I'll ponder "out loud" and invite you to ponder with me. Comments are moderated and will not be published if they don't fit the criteria I've set for behavior from my own children, who are younger than any of you so (ahem) you should know better. (thank you and you're welcome) :)

What am I pondering these days? Well, enough things that by the time I'm 40 (not quite 2 years from now) this thought wrinkle between my brows may be a canyon. That burt's bees anti-wrinkle cream only helps so much. I literally catch myself in thought, and exclaim, "Think away but don't FURROW - stop FURROWING!" Oh well. It's not a frown line, that's for sure - oh how blessed I am. It's a thought line. A pondering line. It's my "I think therefore I am" line. I like to imagine it makes me look smart. But I know it just makes me look ... well ... 40. Eh, who cares.

So, bullet points for this first post - I'm pondering:

- pride and faith. selfishness and love. me and not-me. light and darkness. life and death. and that all the things we discuss/debate ultimately fall into these 2 grand categories.

- fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and fruit from the tree of LIFE

- sweet fruit, sour fruit, and sweet fruit that doesn't call itself the "right" names

- inquisitions

- shepherding

- fear

- speaking, holding my tongue, and the balance between the two

- how much I want to be like heroes from the last 2 novels I've read/am reading: Father Zossima from The Brothers Karamazov and Bishop Bienvenu ("Welcome") from Les Miserables (the novel). told myself as lent began, "enough heavy reading, read for PLEASURE, read FICTION" - and guess what? even so, He is there.

What DO I do with all that stuff in my head? Besides furrow...

I open up my Bible. I sit in prayer. I talk but I also listen. I humble myself as best I know how.

I don't know the answers. I just know that I choose Light. Life. Love. Not-Me.

And, for today, I refuse to give into the temptation to defend myself on any of these points. I am His. What or who could I possibly need to defend myself from?