pondering bird songs

I was reading and praying through Henri Nouwen's With Open Hands on my back deck Thursday morning. I was in that place where you're wrecked inside from asking, "God is what I'm hearing what I'm hearing? I want truth from You and nothing else, ever!" I was quiet and still for a long time, so much so that a (real live) bird landed on the table right in front of me and SANG OUT so loud that it scared me half to death. The funny little thing was looking right at me, too! Then it flew away...

Later that day I was at church to lead my little group of women in our study on prayer and Nouwen's book, when my friend (the secretary) reminded me that she was holding something I needed to pick up. Oh, yes! My prize! I'd won a beautiful creation by the one and only Angela Statzer (whose arts/crafts can be purchased at The Sanctuary in Davidson, by the way). She'd left it there for me. I fell in love with it (pictured above) right away, and of course being a lover of all-things-music I had to find out what song she'd used. I could tell by the sheet music that it was a hymn but not one I'm familiar with. Got out my trusty hymnal - nope, not there. So I looked it up online, using what lyrics I could see, and when I finally found it I gasped - actually I cried - as I read these words:

God is love! the heavens tell it,

Stars above in brillance spell it,

God is love! rejoice and sing my soul;

All the hills repeat its glory,

Rocks and rills sing out the story,

God is love! O let the music roll!

Hear it in the laughing wind

That whispers through a tree,

Listen to its echo

In a robin rhapsody;

Glorious word, all nature's ringing,

Have you heard the song they're singing?

God is love! O praise Him, God is love.

God is love! O truth transcendent,

Message of His Word resplendent,

God is love! Its pages all proclaim;

Christ the Lord, the great Creator--

Heav'n adored, became our Saviour,

Born on earth to bear our sin and shame.

But a waiting wandring world

His grace and mercy scorns

In a Roman judgement hall

They crowned Him king with thorns

O what loss! all earth should note it

at the cross in blood He wrote it;

God is Love! O hear it, God is Love!

I believe Angela's bird and the bird on my back deck were both trying to tell me the same thing: Never doubt it, listen to its echo in a robin's rhapsody... God is Love!

I'll kneel down

cannot WAIT to go see these guys in Asheville - this is a new song not even "written" yet, I so hope they sing it - I could listen to it on repeat all day long....

pondering the prophets: there are no mere words

Been sitting in the prophets lately. Wondering what it must have been like for them to determine it was God who was speaking to them, decipher what exactly He was saying, and have the boldness to proclaim it to others. In the process I've found Eugene Peteron's introductions to the prophets to be especially thought provoking. Here are a few that most stood out to me... (click to enlarge)

solvitur ambulando

glimpses from my morning walking a prayer labyrinth

stacks of rocks are places I prayed...

water from a rock...




notes from my journal:

solvitur ambulando

the answer is in the walking...

the stack of rocks I built was in shadow

now it is in light

the rocks did not move

the light did not move

the earth moved

the earth moved and took the rocks (and me) with it

only the light is constant

all else is in process

solvitur ambulando

pondering His heart and His kingdom today

"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish."~Jesus

There's been a resounding theme in my ponderings lately: Jesus came to show us the Father.

He was not some caveat. He didn't come saying, "Well, God used to be like that but I'm like this, and whew! You better be glad because WOW was He ever mad!" No. It's been the three of them as One, in perfect Love and Harmony, ever and always. They wanted to share that so they created man in their image, and here we are. They wanted to redeem us, and so the cross and resurrection, sacrificial Love.

I cannot tell you how it changed my faith to realize that God was there with Jesus at the cross. Of course, how could He not be? I mean logically and theologically? They are One, are they not? The feeling of abandonment was utterly human and raw and real but it was not reality (any more than it is when we feel the same way). In the fictional work, The Shack, all three members of the Trinity have scars on their hands. The hair on my arm is literally standing up right now, just typing those words; it impacts me on a visceral level. I recognize that not everyone accepts this, theologically - it's certainly not what I was taught to believe. But I do believe it - I must. And it changes everything.

It. Changes. Everything.

I've always loved Jesus, but I haven't always loved God ... because I haven't always believed God loved me. Or liked me. Or wanted me. Why would I? It didn't breed intimacy and trust to believe that God couldn't stand the sight of me until I was covered in Jesus' blood, and that if it weren't for a robe of imputed righteousness He'd be pleased as punch to drop me into a flame of never-ending literal fire. Our friend Dan reminded me round a campfire last week, that John Lynch of truefaced ministries describes that warped view of God as Him wringing His hands up in Heaven saying, "Please don't pray the prayer, please don't pray the prayer, please don't pray the- ... oh, man!! Now I gotta save YOU?!"

If this isn't your background I'm sure this all sounds silly. But to so many of us, it's anything but, and even considering such things is life altering. What brought the change for me? I blame my kids. No, really; becoming a mother, experiencing a mother's heart, changed everything. It opened the door for me to first of all, officially doubt. Doubt it all. Start afresh. And then, to dare. Dare to believe Our Father is better-bigger-lovelier-truer-realer-holier than I'd dared to even consider before. And finally, to refuse. Refuse to ever .... ever ... see Him as anything less than good.

Well, ... so what? What does that look like? Well, to be relevant for today, I haven't believed in a rapture-to-take-us-away-from-all-the-bad-people-so-God-can-finally-blow-them-to-bits-while-we-party-with-Jesus in years. I'm free to interpret those scriptures differently (along with most Christians around the world and across the grand course of history). And yet, when people like Harold Camping make their predictions, there is still a little bit of that scared brainwashed kid inside me that wonders, "Did I pray it right? Did I mean it? You know, just in case..." I genuinely feel that panic inside for a split second and when I do, I'm sad - so sad - for people who relate to Him from that perspective.

Who haven't tasted and seen that He is good.

That He loves us.

That He'd never, ever leave us behind.

If that had been His heart He'd never have come for us in the first place. But He did come for us and He will always come for us. In The Princess Bride, Wesley says, "Hear this now: I will always come for you"; a beautiful visual of God's relentless pursuit. If skepticism (religious or otherwise) leads you to disregard all this as too good to be true, I simply invite you ... taste and see. He loves us. Jesus said Our Father is like a shepherd who won't give up until He has that last sheep in His arms, so snuggle in close and feel the joy of His heart.

In doing so, you can let others debate whether or not Jesus will rapture us away from here or come to establish His kingdom on Earth or take us for an up-and-down-ride on some elevator in the clouds. It won't much matter to you one way or the other, because, by abiding-breathing-living in Him, you will have entered the Kingdom of God today.

pondering serving from weakness

I sat down, after a morning of vigorous-and-much-needed house cleaning, with much to ponder but nothing to say.

Then I clicked over to the sarcastic Lutheran and I realized, in wonder anew, that God was listening to me all along.

A taste to whet your appetite:

God reaches again and again into the graves we dig ourselves, continues to reach into our failures and yank out new life: just as God brought forth the universe from nothingness and water from a rock and babies from barren wombs and a church from a bunch of forgiven sinners. So don’t be afraid of your deficits, but rejoice in the spaces where you have nothing to offer, for this is the very canvas on which God’s best work is shown forth…just wait. I promise you this.

pondering orientation

I just finished an amazing book, Love is an Orientation by Andrew Marin. Recommend 100 times over. But be warned: if you're looking for litmus test answers to closed-ended questions, you'll be frustrated. And rightly so (meaning, you should be frustrated because those questions are frustrating and not helpful). If you're looking to learn about incarnational Kingdom living, about reconciliation, about love lived out, by all means, read this book.

This book is not about trying to save gay people from their gayness and it's not about trying to convince Christian people that it's not sinful. It's not trying to do either. It's about reconciliation and it's about encouraging all people to come to know their Father's love - reconciled to Him, reconciled to one another.

It's beautiful. Truly beautiful. The author is transparent and raw and in doing so says things that I'm sure he catches a lot of flack for. And that's why it's so good. We have to be real with each other, in order to be trusted and trustworthy.

A couple of other things have made me go "Hmm..." on this topic lately...

The first, found and shared by my brilliant husband:

Tattoo of Leviticus 18:22, which forbids homosexuality: $200.

The fact that Leviticus 19:28 forbids tattoos: Priceless.

This is the kind of crap we're known for, folks. Seriously.

We're also known for doing this to people. Read it and let yourself feel the pain she so hauntingly, beautifully expresses.

How do we undo that? How do we earn the right to even say a simple "God loves you" when people use the same book we do to justify holding signs that say "God hates you". Is there any way around this divide?

Of course there is. And Jesus showed us what it is. Read Philippians 2. That's it. That's always it. All the time. Humility.

How am I trying to live that? I can't immerse myself in Boystown, Chicago like Andrew Marin. I'm a stay at home Mom with 4 kids. But I can read Stranger at the Gate by Mel White and put myself in his shoes. I can watch the It Gets Better videos, especially the one put out by the Pixar staff. I can force myself to set aside any - ANY - preconceived notions as I hear their stories.

I can watch it from 5:20-5:45 over and over.

And over again.

And cry with him. (I did precisely that)

There's so much I don't know. But I know some things. I know we are all sinners. I know He's particularly fond of sinners and that He's come to reconcile us. I know that is Good News! I know God wants each of us to turn our faces to Him in an unconditonal, "Yes!" and I know that as we do He guides, convicts, and teaches us, each of us. I know that in community with other believers, we grow and learn and sharpen one another. I know that the mark of our Love for Him is our Love for One Another.

All this informs the way I relate to others and the unique paths they walk. My friend who considers herself a former lesbian, who now lives a life of celibacy? I love her. I respect the change she made based on what she believes God has shown her, for her life. And my friend who is madly in love with her girlfriend? I love her. I respect what she believes God has shown her, for her life, and admire the way she lives generously, honestly, compassionately, showing others infinitely more grace than is shown to her in return. I love them both.

Some want me to insert my opinion into my friends' experiences. My judgement. They demand it, in fact.

But I cannot.

It's not in me.

I guess that's just not my orientation.