pondering a time to embrace

I've read many books on the topic of homosexuality and Christianity over the past few years.  While a couple of the real-life accounts have been helpful in that they provide context and story, the rest have been - for the most part - lacking, in my opinion.  I've been neither impressed nor convinced by them.  Not that I need a book to convince me, but I admit I'm the type of person who needs alignment in my life.  My conscience/the Spirit may lead me toward a certain persuasion but I also need to understand, at least on some level, how that fits into the big picture of my own personal religion/faith/philosophy.  And so I've been reading... a lot.

This is the first book that satisfied.  It's heady, it's a bit long, and it's excellent.  It's thorough.  It's incredibly well researched - the last 25% of the book is notes and I read all those, too!

In my state of North Carolina, we will be asked to vote on an amendment in May.  I'm convinced this amendment is a huge mistake.  In addition to prohibiting same-sex marriage, as state statute already does, the Amendment would:

• prohibit North Carolina from passing civil unions;
• bar the state from instituting domestic partnership rights;
• strip the domestic partner insurance benefits currently offered to employees by a number of local governments, including Chapel Hill, Durham, Greensboro, and Mecklenburg and Orange Counties.

In addition, courts could interpret the language of the Amendment to ban any rights to state's hundreds of thousands of unmarried couples—both same and opposite-gender. This would:

• invalidate domestic violence protections for all unmarried partners;
• undercut existing child custody and visitation rights that are designed to protect the best interests of children;
• prevent the state from giving committed couples rights to allow them to order their relationships, including threatening their ability to determine the disposition of their deceased partner's remains; to make medical decisions if their partner is incapacitated; and to allow second-parent adoptions in order to ensure that both partners have a legal tie to, and financial responsibilities for, the children they are raising.
• invalidate trusts, wills, and end-of-life directives by one partner in favor of the other.

As we welcome a new year, I encourage my fellow North Carolinians to take on a personal challenge.  Between now and May, resolute to do two things:

1. Read this book - educate yourself on both the history and theology surrounding this issue.  
2. More importantly - befriend a family where two moms or two dads are raising children (or have raised now adult children). Spend time with them.   Worship with them.  Serve alongside them. 

After you've done those two things, be sure to vote your conscience in May.

pondering after midnight

It's dangerous to blog at midnight (or after).  It's kind of like drunk texting.  Who knows what you'll be ballsy enough to say!  (like that right there)

I've been to three Christmas Eve services in the past 24 hours. No, I'm not trying to get extra helpings of Jesus.  Our lives have just stretched and spread and it's good.  Each one brought it's moments of awe, inspiration, and sometimes laughter.

Like last night, our friends at The Inclusion Community invited us to the Davidson United Methodist Chapel for Christmas Eve-Eve.  Just as the beautiful space began to glow with candle-light and lovely refrains of Silent Night filled the air ... all serenity was broken by a sudden shriek from Sarah, who had managed to burn herself with hot wax.  Sarah makes sure everyone knows when something hurts, too.  Awesome.

Or this afternoon, after enjoying the Christmas Eve service at Lake Forest Church, our home church for many years and where we caught up with many friends, Mary was in charge of giving homemade cinnamon ornaments to everyone on the ministry and service teams.  Concerned that the sweet smelling ornaments would be mistaken for cookies, Mary was all business, saying to every single person,

"Merry Christmas - don't eat it.
Merry Christmas - don't eat it...."

There were moving moments too.  Like hearing my kids sing loudly and proudly the songs we've sung together in the privacy of our home (and being tickled that they knew when Kyle screwed up the words to Away in a Manger, ha!).  Or being moved to tears as I caught Pastor Mike out of the corner of my eye, over there on the front row in his jeans, with one hand raised high in praise during Joy to the World.  Or when, tonight, I knelt to receive communion at midnight (or something close to it) while listening to It Came Upon A Midnight Clear being sung.  Maybe it was just that I was weary from the late hour, I don't know, but I was moved as I've not been in some time as I heard this verse,

And ye, beneath life's crushing load,
whose forms are bending low,
who toil along the climbing way
with painful steps and slow,
look now! for glad and golden hours
come swiftly on the wing.
O rest beside the weary road,
and hear the angels sing!

This year has been (and still is) made up of many slow painful steps.  It was good to rest tonight - to just stay knelt at the altar -  so long that Pastor Nancy offered me communion twice ;)  I wasn't given a wonder or a sign, but I was challenged to remain in this place of rest - not jump ahead to the next thing on my mind now that advent is over, or rush to make decisions where uncertainty remains - but instead to just stop - be still - and hear the angels sing for a while.

"Peace on the earth, good will to men,
from heaven's all-gracious King."
The world in solemn stillness lay,
to hear the angels sing.

pondering with dear friends: lost in my mind...

I couldn't say it better myself so I won't even try. We love these people. We love what they say and how they say it.  Ponder their words with us.  This is Truth.
lewis family christmas video 2011 from the redesign company on Vimeo.

pondering advent with Bonhoeffer and Bono

Through all the Advents of our life that we celebrate goes the longing for the final Advent, where it says: "Behold, I make all things new" (Rev. 21:5). Advent is a time of waiting. Our whole life, however, is Advent--that is, a time of waiting for the ultimate, for the time when there will be a new heaven and a new earth, when all people are brothers and sisters and one rejoices in the words of the angels: "On earth peace to those on whom God's favor rests." Learn to wait.~Bonhoeffer

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one, bleed into one
Well yes, I'm still running
You broke the bonds and you loosed the chains
Carried the cross of my shame, of my shame
You know I believe it!!~Bono

pondering our anniversary and advent's fourth candle

To my daughter this morning, "Guess what we did last night!"

"What?"

"Well, we went out to a restaurant for dinner, then Daddy said we had to stop by a friend's house and pick something up. When we got there a bunch of our very favorite friends were there!  It was a surprise party!  Daddy had planned the whole thing!"

She crinkled her nose a bit.  "A surprise party for your anniversary? Isn't that kinda weird? Aren't you supposed to get a present?"

"But Daddy knew this would make me the most happy, happier than any present, so that's what he did."

She smiled, "Oh! So he DID give you a present!"

"Exactly!"

It's true.  Last night was wonderful. Mostly because my husband knows me. He gets me. He values me and what I value.  Priceless.

Yesterday was the fourth Sunday of advent. If we'd gathered round our wreath last night, we'd have lit the Love candle.

At some point during the evening, it hit me - we did light the Love candle last night.  We SO did.




Love shall be our token;

love be yours and love be mine,

Love to God and to all men,
love for plea and gift and sign.

pondering the ox of passion and the ass of prejudice

"Mom! Mom! Sarah is going to throw away my Link costume!" Frantic words from my 11 year old, concerning his 9 year old sister's plan for his most prized possession.

Enter Sarah, as if on cue, carrying said costume in her arms with a look of angry determination on her face.  Tossing said costume in the garbage was the greatest weapon she could come up with.

I didn't have to ask why.

"Aaron says the Bible was written at the first Christmas and it WASN'T! It was NOT written yet, AIR-RUN! It hadn't even HAPPENED yet!"

"I said most of the Bible was written!  The Old Testament stuff was all written down.  That IS most of the Bible!  Have you ever looked at the Bible???"

That's when I heard myself say these words:

"I did not teach you the Bible so you could fight and hurt one another over who is right or wrong about this or that.  I taught you the Bible so that you will love one another!"

I didn't add "dammit" - my facial expression said it for me.

Merry bleeping Christmas!

Earlier this morning I'd read these words from Evelyn Underhill,

...human nature is like a stable inhabited by the ox of passion and the ass of prejudice; animals which take up a lot of room and which I suppose most of us are feeding on in the quiet.  And it is there between them, pushing them out, that Christ must be born and in their very manger He must be laid - and they will be the first to fall on their knees before Him. Sometimes Christians seem far nearer to those animals than to Christ in His simple poverty, self-abandoned to God.

My kids need to be reminded of this.

I need to be reminded of this.

Lord, have mercy!

And in despair I bowed my head:  

'There is no peace on earth, ' I said  

'For hate is strong, and mocks the song 

Of peace on earth, good will to men.'  

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:  

'God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;  

The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,  

With peace on earth, good will to men.' 

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

pondering stuff Jesus said

I've been thinking a lot lately about stuff Jesus said, and how much of it has taken on entirely new meaning for me.  


For example, 

Mark 8:38  If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels. NIV

or as Eugene Peterson paraphrased it,

If any of you are embarrassed over me and the way I'm leading you when you get around your fickle and unfocused friends, know that you'll be an even greater embarrassment to the Son of Man when he arrives in all the splendor of God, his Father, with an army of the holy angels. The Message

Now, that passage is used to justify what I can only refer to as completely asinine behavior.  "I'm not ashamed of Jesus and to prove it I will wear my Christian status louder and prouder than a college football fan at a bowl game."


But what if we rethink what it means to not be ashamed of Jesus and His words.  I mean, what were His words any way?  Let's start with the words He spoke literally in the same breath as those above, just prior,

Mark 8:34-35 Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 

Some of His other words went like this...

John 13:12-14  When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.

Mark 9:33-35  And when he was in the house he asked them, "What were you discussing on the way?" But they kept silent, for on the way they had argued with one another about who was the greatest. And he sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, "If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all." 

Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. 

I John 3:16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. 

So that gets me to thinking, maybe being ashamed of Jesus and His words means being too embarrassed to live exactly the way He did.  Right?  It's hard deny yourself.  It's degrading to wash other people's feet, literally or figuratively.  It's painful to give up what is life-giving for you, in order that someone else may experience what is life-giving for them.  It's embarrassing, allowing yourself to be degraded.  It's sometimes humiliating to forgive. It's shameful to be accused by religious leaders and teachers, to have them click their tongues as they exclude you.  But it's the life we're called to.  

Which leads me to conclude that following Jesus has absolutely nothing to do with being in the majority or rooting for the winning team. Nothing.


Something else Jesus said that I think we just get all kinds of wrong is,

Matthew 10:37 Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

I've often heard this verse used to justify families disowning a member (or friends un-friending a friend) whose life does not live up to their Godly standards.  Maybe that person doesn't share their Christian faith, or maybe they've converted to a different (and therefore wrong) denomination.  Maybe they've embraced a "false doctrine".  Maybe they're gay, or (worse?) they're straight, but they embrace gay people.  To support them would be to love them more than we love Christ, right?  So one must speak up - one is required to voice disapproval, to avoid all appearances of condoning evil.  And so we've been told.


Well, the most striking thing I see about this verse is its context.  Once again, here's what we find Jesus saying in the exact same breath.  Sound familiar?  

Matthew 10:38-39 Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me.  Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

Taking up a cross... following Jesus... losing our very life.  I hear sacrifice.  I hear giving up.  I hear humbling.  I hear lowering oneself to another's level, not building up walls of self righteous separation.

So what did He mean?  I have some thoughts on that.  Earlier Jesus had told His disciples this,

Mark 10:16-17 I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. Be on your guard; you will be handed over to the local councils and be flogged in the synagogues. 

See, the disciples had a message to share - a message of freedom, of good news!  And those in power - both political and religious - were not going to like this message one bit.  Not. One. Bit.  What they had to say went against all the established teaching of the day.  It broke rules.  It probably spat in the faces of people who they loved and had loved them.  It turned not only the world, but their worlds, upside down.  


Jesus' disciples had to trust what had been revealed to them - what they believed to be Truth -  despite a plethora of voices telling them otherwise.  Their conviction had to withstand not only the wagging, accusing tongues of naysayers, but also the concerned entreaties of people who genuinely cared and feared for them.  Turning a deaf ear to the former is much easier than ignoring the latter.  

I believe that might be what Jesus what getting at,  and - at least for me - it makes a world of difference.  Because the first interpretation has to do with obeying the rules, even if it means breaking relationship.  But the second has to do with following Jesus, even if it means breaking the rules.  And since we find Him in the face of the other, following Him almost always involves opening ourselves up to relationships.